The Boy Trapped Inside the Man: When Insecurity Wears the Mask of Pride

I honestly struggled with what to title this blog.

Today’s blog is not your typical happy-ending, lovey, fluffy type of blog. Lol. But then again, are any of my blogs?

I want to talk about an epidemic that is quietly killing many men at the core. And I’m going to do it through one of the saddest stories in the Bible.

Let’s talk about Saul.

Most people look at Saul’s story and say his greatest problem was disobedience.

But I beg to differ. I believe

Disobedience was the fruit.

The root was insecurity.

I know some of you are probably saying, “What? Explain yourself.” Stay with me. I will.

For some reason, I don’t know why, but the Lord keeps leading me to write about kingdom men. 🤔 I digress….

Back to Saul…..

The First Clue

When Samuel first anointed Saul as king, Saul immediately spoke lowly of himself:

“Am I not a Benjaminite, from the smallest tribe of Israel? And is not my family the least of all the families of the tribe of Benjamin?” (1 Samuel 9:21)

Now Saul wasn’t technically wrong.

Benjamin was the smallest tribe.

But notice he didn’t stop there.

He went further.

• He pointed to his family.

• His background.

• His limitations.

His attention immediately shifted to everything he believed disqualified him. What’s interesting is that Saul didn’t come from nothing. The Bible describes his father, Kish, as “a mighty man of power” (1 Samuel 9:1)—a man of influence, status, and standing.

So where did Saul’s deep insecurity come from? Why did he think so little of himself when he had every reason not to?

It proves that insecurity isn’t always rooted in your circumstances. Sometimes you can have a good family, great opportunities, and every advantage in front of you—and still struggle with how you see yourself.

Now contrast that with David.

When David was anointed king, he was just a teenager.

Yet we never see David obsessing over his limitations.

Maybe David was shocked.

Maybe he thought, “This is crazy.”

But David seemed far more focused on God’s word than his own inadequacies.

See the difference?

David’s confidence was rooted in God.

Saul’s identity was rooted in insecurity.

The Bible says:

“The people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits.” (Daniel 11:32)

Saul’s response reveals a man who didn’t truly know who he was in God.

The Day the King Went Missing

After Samuel anointed Saul, he gave him several signs.

• The donkeys would be found.

• He would prophesy.

• God would give him a new heart.

Everything happened exactly as Samuel said.

Yet somehow, it wasn’t enough.

On the very day Saul was supposed to be publicly appointed king, they couldn’t find him.

The Bible says:

“There he is, hidden among the equipment.” (1 Samuel 10:22)

Think about this.

A man who stood head and shoulders above everyone else was hiding.

Sir…

You’re literally the tallest man in Israel hiding in a such a clustered space.

What are you doing Saul🤦🏽‍♀️ ?

But beneath the humor is something serious.

We’re witnessing a struggle of identity.

• “Am I qualified?”

• “Can I really do this?”

• “This is too big for me.”

  
  

Notice Saul’s focus.

• It wasn’t on God.

• It was on himself.

And that is where the problem begins.

The Other Face of Pride

Most people think pride is only loud.

• Arrogant.

• Boastful.

• Cocky.

And sometimes it is. But there is another face of pride.

• A quieter one.

• A hidden one.

• A pride that looks humble.

• A pride that appears like victimhood.

Yet the entire focus remains on self.

• “I can’t.”

• “I’m not enough.”

• “What will people think?”

• “What if I fail?”

• “What if they reject me?”

The person may sound humble, but they are still consumed with themselves.

This kind of pride is extremely dangerous because society often celebrates it.

People don’t even realize they have it.

And that is what makes it so destructive.

It’s hard to solve a problem you don’t know you have.

Sooner or later, you have to stop staring at your limitations and start believing God.

We all feel fear.

• The difference is that one person obeys fear.

• The other obeys God.

When Insecurity Turns Into Fear

As Saul’s insecurity grew, it eventually became fear.

And fear started driving his decisions.

One of the clearest examples is when Saul unlawfully offered sacrifices because he was afraid the people would scatter.

Instead of obeying God’s instructions, he took matters into his own hands.

Why?

The approval of people mattered more to him than the commands of God.

And this is where I want to make a statement that might make some people uncomfortable:

Fear is often pride wearing a disguise.

Why?

Because fear usually leads to self-preservation.

You begin making decisions to protect YOU:

• Your reputation

• Your image

• Your comfort

• Your relationships

Your focus shifts from God to yourself.

When fear is rooted in pride, self-preservation takes the throne and trust in God takes a back seat.

Fear Rooted in Pride: Examples

• Fear of Losing Control

• Fear of Failure

• Fear of Rejection

This is one of the biggest traps. Let’s paint a picture.

Imagine a man courting a woman.

Deep down, God has already told him this woman is not his wife.

But because he fears rejection…

Because he fears what his family will say…

Because he fears what his friends and people will think…

He keeps moving forward anyway. He wants to protect his image!

His fear becomes louder than God’s voice.

That is pride rooted in fear.

Why?

Because he is more concerned with how people see him than obeying God.

I hope you’re tracking.

Samuel Calls It Out

When Saul disobeyed God’s command regarding the Amalekites, Samuel confronted him.

God had specifically instructed Saul to destroy everything.

Instead, Saul spared King Agag and kept some of the spoil.

Samuel’s response is powerful:

“When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel?” (1 Samuel 15:17)

Notice that. Samuel directly addresses Saul’s insecurity, now disguised as pride. This is a very deep statement. I wish I could explain further.

We see Saul’s insecurity gave birth to fear. His fear fueled his pride. And his pride led him into disobedience

No Real Repentance

After Samuel informed Saul that God had rejected him as king, Saul’s response was revealing.

Instead of focusing on repentance, Saul said:

“Honor me now, please, before the elders of my people and before Israel.” (1 Samuel 15:30)

Do you see it?

The kingdom is being taken from him.

Yet he is still worried about appearances.

Still worried about image.

Still worried about reputation.

No true repentance.

Everything still revolves around how people see him.

Fear Opens Doors

Saul’s fear didn’t stop there. It opened doors to other destructive patterns .

Jealousy

When the women sang:

“Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” (1 Samuel 18:7)

Saul became consumed with jealousy.

Instead of celebrating God’s hand on David, he spent years trying to stop God’s plan.

Witchcraft

The same Saul who once removed mediums from the land later visited the witch of Endor because he desperately wanted answers.

Think about that.

Fear made him violate his own law .

Violence

His pride and fear became so consuming that he nearly killed his own son Jonathan for standing on the side of righteousness.

“Then Saul cast a spear at him to kill him…” (1 Samuel 20:33)

That is how destructive insecurity can become when left unchecked.

Saul Died the Way He Lived

I’ll leave you with one final observation. Saul died in pride.

The story of Saul’s life can almost be summarized by this verse:

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

During his final battle against the Philistines, Saul was mortally wounded.

His response?

He asked his armor-bearer to kill him.

Why?

Because he didn’t want people saying he had been killed by uncircumcised Philistines.

Bro…

You’re already dying.

Why does that still matter?

Why are you still thinking about what people will say?

His concern remained his image.

When his armor-bearer refused, Saul took his own life.

What a tragedy. Saul was a father, yet his last concern wasn’t his children, his family, or leaving them with a final blessing. Even in death, it was still about Saul.

The Boy Who Never Healed

The story of Saul teaches us something important.

An identity not rooted in God creates insecurity.

• Unhealed wounds create insecurity.

• And insecurity creates room for fear.

• That fear is often rooted in pride.

What starts as something seemingly innocent—can grow into something destructive.

• “I’m not sure who I am.”

• “I don’t feel good enough.”

• “I don’t feel qualified.”

The same person ends up

• Hurting people.

• Breaking hearts.

• Destroying families.

  
  

The innocent boy never intended to become the villain. But that boy never truly laid his wounds at the feet of Jesus.

Final Thoughts

My prayer is that the Lord reveals every hidden pride disguised as fear in our lives.

To my men:

Be vulnerable with the Lord about your insecurities and wounds. Don’t handle them the way the world tells you to.

The world says:

“Be a man.”

The Bible says:

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

Don’t try so hard to be the man that you end up becoming a monster. Let the Word of God guide you—not culture, tradition, or pride.

I’ve seen some cultures—cough cough my Igbo tribe—glorify prideful men.

My people, that is not biblical.

Yes, we should be confident. But confidence and pride are not the same thing.

The Bible says:

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)

Don’t allow culture to speak louder than Scripture.

I’ve seen Igbo men destroy their families because of pride.

They won’t apologize because they think humility makes them weak.

But the truth is, pride doesn’t make you strong. It makes you foolish. And many lose everything trying to protect their pride.

You are not an Igbo man first. You are a child of God first who happens to be an Igbo man. Your identity in Christ should drive your life—not your tribe. I’ll end with this:

Many men don’t know how to be men because they never had the right model growing up.

But regardless of what you didn’t receive, you still have a perfect example. Jesus.

Don’t let Saul’s story become your story. And more importantly don’t let the wounded boy inside you become the man people remember.

🎵 MusicTime

 Men, this one’s for you. “Weak Ninja” – Marcus Rogers. Give it a listen. 🔥💪🏾