Part 2 - Toxic Masculinity, Leadership & the Ego Problem We Don’t Talk About

Go read Part 1 first because I came with receipts 😂. And trust me, Part 2 has even more to unpack.

3. Maybe He Wasn’t Afraid of Her Leadership. Maybe He Was Afraid of Her Surrender.

The more I thought about that interview, the more I realized something.

I don’t think this man’s problem was only leadership.

I think he was intimidated by the level of commitment this woman had to God.

Because an aligned life can be confronting to others.

You can admire somebody’s devotion from a distance while simultaneously realizing:

“If I get close to this person, I can’t keep living the way I’m living.”

Her standards and the way she lived exposed his sin and confronted the truth that he wasn’t truly walking with God. Her devotion wasn’t the problem—it was the mirror. The closer he got to her, the harder it became to ignore the areas of his own life that weren’t surrendered.

Maybe he still enjoyed certain things in the world.

Maybe he wasn’t ready for full surrender.

Maybe what he was really saying underneath all the leadership language was:

“I’m not trying to go that deep with God, and being with her would force me to confront that.”

And that’s the part nobody wants to say out loud. Some people want a godly spouse on paper ONLY.

• They want the "title" without the pruning.

• The character without the consecration.

• The Proverbs 31 woman but still worldly…

And when they actually encounter someone whose life says, “No, for real—God gets everything,” suddenly it feels intimidating.

I know of a man who married a woman who was spiritually more mature than he was at the time.

He didn’t see her maturity as competition.

He saw it as an invitation.

He wanted the intimacy with God that she had.

So he learned.

He grew.

He allowed himself to be challenged.

And eventually, he matured into his calling. Today, he leads his family spiritually and carries the covering he was called to carry.

But first, there was a season of learning.

And the fact that some of that learning came through a woman didn’t make him less of a man.

It helped equip him to become the man he was called to be.

That’s the difference between ego and identity.

When you know who you are, you don’t have to constantly prove who you are. I’m a man we know lol…

4. “I Can’t Be With a Woman Who Makes More Money Than Me.”

Here we go. 😂

I’ve heard this from so many men:

“I could never be with a woman who makes more money than me.”

Why?

Yes, Scripture teaches a man to take responsibility for his household.

But somewhere along the way, we reduced biblical provision to mean ONLY money.

Meanwhile, one of the clearest things God says about Abraham is:

“For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice…”

— Genesis 18:19, NKJV

Look at God’s emphasis.

Abraham would teach his household the way of the LORD.

Men, provision matters. Work matters. Responsibility matters.

But your family needs more than your money.

They need your walk with God.

Can you cover your home spiritually?

Can you recognize when something is spiritually wrong?

Can you teach your children Scripture?

Can you model holiness?

Can you pray?

Can you hear God?

Can your wife trust your spiritual judgment because she has watched your private life with God?

Can your children learn righteousness by watching you?

That’s leadership too. And that’s the most important leadership you will ever provide.

The Bible doesn’t give us a commandment saying:

“Thou shalt make more money than thy wife.”

Because money isn’t the ultimate measure of manhood or anything in life.

Money doesn’t follow us into eternity.

And anybody can make money.

Believers make money.

Unbelievers make money.

Good people make money.

Corrupt people make money.

So why have we made income one of the defining measurements of masculine identity?

Sometimes I wonder if, because some men don’t feel confident in their spiritual leadership, they overcompensate through financial leadership. By makeing the minor the major because the major requires something deeper from them.

Money can provide a house. But money cannot make that house holy and godly.

5. Culture Has Discipled Some Men More Than Scripture Has

Watching that interview made me realize something uncomfortable.

I’ve encountered this mentality, in some capacity, in all the men I’ve known and dated in the past—Christian men included.

Men who appear confident, secure, and put together on the surface, but underneath are deeply insecure.

Men whose egos constantly need to be reassured because their identity has been built around roles and possessions—husband, father, provider, money, status, what they own, what they can do for you.

And hear me clearly: those things can absolutely be part of what defines you. Being a husband means something. Being a father means something. Being a provider carries responsibility. What you build and accomplish matters.

But they cannot be your first identity.

Before husband.

Before father.

Before provider.

Before leader.

Before the money, title, status, or success— your first identity has to be in Christ.

And I’m not saying this to shame men. I’m saying it because I genuinely have a heart for godly men.

I want men free.

• Free from having to pretend they know everything.

• Free from believing vulnerability makes them weak.

• Free from thinking receiving help diminishes their masculinity.

• Free from believing a strong godly woman threatens their identity.

• Free from confusing control with leadership.

• Free from believing they must carry everything alone.

• Free from cultural definitions of manhood that God never gave them.

Because toxic masculinity doesn’t only hurt women.

It hurts men too.

It isolates them. Exhausts them.

Makes them afraid to ask for help.

Makes them compete with people God sent to complement them.

Makes them reject wisdom because they don’t like who delivered it.

And sometimes it makes them lose people who were actually sent to help them become everything God called them to be.

My Prayer for Men

My prayer is that God raises men who understand godly leadership.

• Men whose masculinity is rooted in God rather than culture.

• Men humble enough to be taught.

• Men spiritually mature enough to recognize when God is speaking—even when He uses somebody they didn’t expect.

• Men who understand that being a leader does not mean being everything.

Because Scripture describes the body of Christ as many members of one body (1 Corinthians 12:12–27).

One person was never designed to carry every strength.

• Sometimes leadership means stepping forward.

• Sometimes leadership means listening.

• Sometimes leadership means saying: “You understand this better than I do. Teach me.”

  That doesn’t strip you of your authority and role . That is wisdom.

Men, don’t despise God’s method of training you.

If God uses a woman to teach you something, learn.

If your wife knows more about an area than you do, listen.

If a woman’s discipline exposes an area where you need growth, grow.

If somebody’s relationship with God challenges yours, don’t immediately run because your ego feels uncomfortable.

Ask God: “What are You trying to teach me here?”

Because you may be praying for God to make you into a leader while rejecting the very classroom He chose to train you in.

Your role may be leadership. But your current season may be learning.

And learning does not make you less of a man.

Being teachable doesn’t make you inferior.

And receiving wisdom from a woman does not reverse God’s order.

It might simply be God’s way of preparing you to carry what you’ve been asking Him for.

Don’t let ego make you lose your blessing.

Sometimes the person you think is threatening your position is actually being used by God to prepare you for it.

Music time 🎶🔥

Da Young Disciples — “Ball Game”

Young boys on fire for God and the lyrics are actually FIRE too?!