Let's Talk About Love... But Not the Way You Think 😂

I know what you're thinking.

"Here she goes... another relationship post."

Nope. 😂

Today we're talking about love—but probably not the kind you're expecting. Over the last few years, God has completely dismantled my understanding of what love actually is. Honestly, I thought I understood it pretty well. Turns out... I knew a fraction of it.

I Thought I Knew How to Love

If there's one thing I've always believed about myself, it's this:

I was born to love.

Not necessarily in the romantic sense.

I just genuinely love people.

It's natural for me to pour out my heart. I can move heaven and earth—or at least try to—for the people I care about. Whether it was family, friendships, or relationships, I loved with everything in me.

Every guy I dated and friend used to tell me the same thing.

"You love so deeply."

"You care differently."

"You have one of the biggest hearts."

And they weren't wrong.

I wasn't loving people because I wanted something back. I genuinely cared.

So naturally...

I thought I was pretty good at loving people.

Had I known...

Then God Interrupted My Definition

When I truly started walking with God intimately —He challenged something I never expected.

He asked me...

"Do you really know what love is?"

I remember thinking,

"Lord... I think I'm doing pretty well in this department."

Then He showed me something that completely changed my perspective.

I had been looking at love through one dimension.

His love is multidimensional.

Then He brought me to what he called the two greatest commandments.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind... And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39)

Then later Jesus raises the standard even higher.

"Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34)

I always laugh at this part.

It's almost like Jesus knew some of us wouldn't even know how to love ourselves properly...

So instead of saying,

"Love people as you love yourself,"

He basically says,

"Forget using yourself as the standard. Use Me."

😂

Love Doesn't Start With People

This is where everything shifted for me.

I realized that compassion…

Kindness…Generosity… Helping people…

Those are all beautiful expressions of love.

But they are not the fullness of love.

Why?

Because God is love. He didn’t simply create love.

Love flows from His very nature.

Which means if we truly want to understand love, we have to start with Him.

True love begins when we love Him first.

Think about it for a moment.

If I bought a Mercedes and wanted to understand how it works, why would I reach for a Honda manual?

I’d go straight to the Mercedes manual—to the One who designed it.

Yet that’s exactly what so many of us do with love.

We let culture define it. Movies define it.

Our families define it. Past relationships define it.

Social media define it.

We look to everyone’s opinion about love… except the One who created it.

And sometimes...

The people teaching us about love have never learned God's way of love themselves.

The truth is, we’ve been looking to the wrong manual.

Let that sink in….

There Is an Order

God showed me something that humbled me.

The first commandment isn't there by accident.

Before loving people...

We are called to love Him. There is an order.

Love God.

Then love people.

Because what you receive from Him becomes what you give away.

• The more you experience His patience...

  The more patient you become.

• The more you experience His forgiveness...

  The easier it becomes to forgive.

• The more you understand His mercy...

  The more merciful you become.

You cannot consistently give away what you've never received. That's why abiding in Him matters so much.

Then God Showed Me Something Else...

Love is not just emotion.

Love is obedience.

Jesus said,

"If you love Me, keep My commandments." (John 14:15)

Notice what He didn't say.

He didn't say,

"If you love Me, you'll cry during worship."

He didn't say,

"If you love Me, you'll know every Christian song."

He didn't say,

"If you love Me, you'll post Bible verses online."

He said...

Obey Me.

That convicted me. Because obedience reveals what our hearts truly treasure.

Jesus illustrated this in the parable of the two sons (Matthew 21:28–32).

One son said, “Yes,” but never obeyed.

The other said, “No,” but later did what his father asked.

Jesus asked, “Which of the two did the will of his father?”

The answer wasn’t the one who said the right thing but failed to obey.

It was the one who did the Father’s will, even though his first response was “no” intially.

In God’s Kingdom, it’s not ultimately about what we say. It’s about what we do.

Here's a Hard Example

Imagine a husband who constantly tells his wife,

"I love you."

But he keeps cheating on her.

Does he have feelings?

Possibly yes…

But his actions reveal something deeper.

He loves his flesh(carnal desires) more than he loves the person he claims to love.

His carnal desires have become greater than his devotion to his wife. As a result, he obeys whatever those desires demand, because that’s where his deepest affection truly lies.

Then God turned the mirror toward me.

How many times do I tell him I love Him...

Yet continually choose the very things He asks me to surrender?

Sometimes those things aren't even sinful.

They can be good things.

Ambition.

Friendships.

Marriage.

Children.

Ministry.

Success.

Dreams.

Family.

Because when anything sits above God in our hearts...

It becomes an idol.

And whatever sits on the throne of our hearts ultimately receives our greatest affection and obedience .

I had to repent of making people, ambition, relationships, and even my own understanding of love into idols.

I asked God to give me the grace to love Him with all my heart and soul.

To love what He loves.

To hate what He hates.

To let what pleases Him become what pleases me, and what grieves Him become what grieves me.

Because that’s what love does—it aligns your heart with His.

Love Begins With Him

The greatest lesson God has taught me is this:

The closer I grow to Him and love him…

The more I learn how to love everyone else the right way.

Not just with kindness.

Not just with compassion.

But with truth.

With patience.

With correction when necessary.

With forgiveness.

With holiness.

With sacrifice.

With wisdom.

His love keeps stretching mine.

And honestly...

I still have so much to learn.

So if you're trying to become a better husband...

A better wife...

A better friend...

A better leader...

A better parent...

Don't start by studying people.

Start by pursuing God.

Because the One who created love is the only One who can teach us its fullest expression.

Love doesn't begin with us.

It begins with Him.

I’ll close with this…

If you don’t remember anything I said, remember this:

No man can truly love if he doesn’t love the Lord first.

Everything else may look like love…

But without God, it’s only a shadow of the real thing.

Part 2: Why Are We Attracted to the Dysfunction in Our Bloodline? 👀

Marrying someone like your mom or dad isn’t always the compliment people think it is… 😂

Let’s talk about it.

Music Time 🎵

“Gotta Be More” — Denise Bamfo

I love the simplicity of this song.